


til i saw your face (i didn't know i was lonely)

by platinumbered



Category: Smosh
Genre: 8 am classes make boze wanna fuckign die, Alternate Universe - College/University, F/M, Group chat, steak & shake is delicious btw, this is my first het fic imagine that !!!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-17
Updated: 2018-02-17
Packaged: 2019-03-20 05:22:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13710741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/platinumbered/pseuds/platinumbered
Summary: Boze is pining. Damien is too cute for it to be legal. There are several Steak ‘n Shake runs. Also, group chats!





	til i saw your face (i didn't know i was lonely)

**Author's Note:**

> this was my submission for the 2018 smosh vday fic exchange!!! they wanted a bamien college group chat au, and if theres one thing im good at, its group chats!!! plus, i LOVE bamien, so this was super fun!!!
> 
> hope you enjoy!!!
> 
> the song i got the title from is "i wanna get better" by bleachers!!!

_ 08:14 _

 

**lil bitchbaby boze** hi im boze and 8 am classes make me wanna fuckign die!!!

 

**mari tacohashi** SAAAME 

 

**mari tacohashi** anyone else up?

 

**sohin** whats good mdudes

 

**lil bitchbaby boze** HEY someone hit up ian i need him to bring me tylenol and i dont have his number

 

**sohin** are you seriously that hungover lol

 

**lil bitchbaby boze** no im not all that hungover

 

**lil bitchbaby boze** its just

 

**lil bitchbaby boze** fucking heath in statistics

 

**sohin** ??

 

**mari tacohashi** ohh yeah the one that chews super loud?? HATE THAT GUY!!!

 

**lil bitchbaby boze** DING DING DING

 

**sohin** damn haha

 

**sohin** suck shit boze

 

**lil bitchbaby boze** slap ur balls and die

 

**sohin** i thought ian was in this chat tho

 

**mari tacohashi** hes not actually!!

 

**mari tacohashi** hes in a group chat with anthony and joe and sunny and matt!! like a dads chat

 

**mari tacohashi** apparently they like

 

**mari tacohashi** actually exchange notes in there or something

 

**sohin** what??? fucking weird

 

**lil bitchbaby boze** bitch who even does that lmfao????????? what a buncha nerds

 

**lil bitchbaby boze** im gonna steal ians lunch money

 

**lil bitchbaby boze** and his tylenol

 

**mari tacohashi** ill text him!!!! lol

 

**mari tacohashi** he says hell meet you in front of pattys with his tylenol in tow!!

 

**lil bitchbaby boze** THANK GOD FOR IAN HECOX

 

_ 10:28 _

 

**LASERCORN** DO YOU GUYS EVER THINK ABOUT DROPPING OUT

 

**LASERCORN** BECAUSE I DO

 

**sohin** every day of my God Damn life why do u ask

 

**LASERCORN** MARI BEAT ME AT BEER PONG LAST NIGHT

 

**LASERCORN** AND WHEN I SAY “BEAT” I MEAN SHE WIPED THE FUCKING FLOOR WITH ME

 

**mari tacohashi** youre damn right!!!

 

**sohin** good

 

**lil bitchbaby boze** LMFAOOO GET CUCKED LCORN

 

**LASERCORN** SHE DIDN'T MISS A SINGLE SHOT

 

**LASERCORN** AFTER SHE WON SHE BURPED IN MY FACE FOR MAYBE 8 SECONDS

 

**LASERCORN** IT WAS BRUTAL

 

**sohin** fucking obliterated

 

**mari tacohashi** B)

 

**LASERCORN** ANYWAY I’M HUNGOVER AS FUCK

 

**Haas it going? ;)** It's no biggie, my friend-buddy-pal!! I have the ultimate hangover cure.

 

**lil bitchbaby boze** oh no

 

**LASERCORN** I'M ALL FUCKING EARS MAN

 

**Haas it going? ;)** All you have to do is beat two eggs in a bowl with a paste made of sriracha, coffee grounds, and pickle relish!! Then you just slam it!!!

 

**lil bitchbaby boze** thats nasty af but thanks

 

**Haas it going? ;)** Works every time!!

 

**LASERCORN** I

 

**LASERCORN** HAVE TO GO THROW UP

 

**LASERCORN** I'LL BE RIGHT BACK

 

**Haas it going? ;)** Like I said!

 

**Haas it going? ;)** Works every time!!

 

**sohin** i cant believe he still falls for that

 

**Haas it going? ;)** I know, right?

 

**mari tacohashi** i swear you get more creative with those every time!!!

 

**Haas it going? ;)** I certainly try!!

 

**LASERCORN** FUCK YOU BUT THAT ALSO CLEARED MY STOMACH OUT SO THANKS I GUESS

 

**Haas it going? ;)** No problemo!

 

**lil bitchbaby boze** damieeeeennnnnn

 

**lil bitchbaby boze** take me to s &s i need hangover food

 

**Haas it going? ;)** Am I going to be paying for this?

 

**lil bitchbaby boze** uhhhhh

 

**lil bitchbaby boze** is there a right answer to that question

 

**Haas it going? ;)** The right answer would technically be ‘no’?

 

**lil bitchbaby boze** :((((

 

**Haas it going? ;)** Okaaaayyyy,  _ fine. _ But it's only because I love you.

 

**lil bitchbaby boze** SICK

 

**lil bitchbaby boze** find me outside the kennedy building after my history class  <33

 

**sohin** gay

 

**lil bitchbaby boze** its not gay were a boy and a girl

 

**sohin** yeah but youre both Gay™

 

**lil bitchbaby boze** you raise a fair point

 

**Haas it going? ;)** We're gay, but separately!

 

**lil bitchbaby boze** yeah

 

\---

 

**TEXT MESSAGE**

_ FROM: my favorite girl <3 _

>ouch :(

 

_ TO: my favorite girl <3 _

>yeah id say

>i know he doesnt do it to hurt my feelings??

>like on purpose???

>but like still

>:(((

 

_ FROM: my favorite girl <3 _

>yeah that pretty much sucks

>at least you get steak n shake out of it??

><333

 

_ TO: my favorite girl <3 _

>i mean

>i guess

 

_ FROM: my favorite girl <3 _

>:(

 

_ TO: my favorite girl <3 _

>:(

 

\---

 

\---

 

\---

 

**INCOMING CALL**

_ FROM: stupid dumb idiot _

 

“Hey, Jovie! What's up?”

“Just wanted the--juicy deets about your date with Damien.”

“Okay--it  _ totally _ wasn't a date, first off, so fuck you.”

“Mhmm.”

“Second off, you're a little bitch, so shut up. There are no fuckin’ juicy deets. We just ate lunch.”

“What did you order?”

“Uhhh. Fuckin’. Royale with a Heath milkshake. Who do you think I am?”

“Just asking!”

“...”

“Stop rolling your eyes at me.”

“Don't tell me what to do.”

“Don't tell  _ me _ what to do!”

“Hey, um, by the way...Sorry I said it was a date?”

“...Okay? What brought that on?”

“Mari just gave me a text-lecture about how you're hot for Damien and told me not to call it a date, so. I'm sorry?”

“...Tell her ‘what the hell, Mari’.”

“Oop, she also just told me not to tell you. Blew that one.”

“Ha, I hope she keys your car again.”

_ “That wasn't funny! _ That was stupid expensive!”

“It was a little bit funny. And by ‘a little bit funny’ I mean I fuckin’ lost my shit when I heard. I thought Wes was going to-- _ detonate _ or something, he was laughing so hard.”

“...Okay, it was a little bit funny.  _ But only a little bit! _ The tiniest bit possible.”

“Quit friggin’ whining. She helped pay for it.”

“...Touché. Okay, I’m at my next class, so I gotta go. Good luck with Damien, Boze.”

“Good luck with--not failing all your classes?”

“Thanks, I think. See you, Bozey.”

“See ya, Jovie!”

 

\---

 

**TEXT MESSAGE**

_ FROM: wonderful boy <3333333 _

>Hey, Boze!

 

_ TO: wonderful boy <3333333 _

>hey dames !!

>whats up?

 

_ FROM: wonderful boy <3333333 _

>I was wondering if I could maybe take you to Steak ‘n Shake again today, after classes at around 7!!

 

_ TO: wonderful boy <3333333 _

>are you trying to fatten me up and eat me

 

_ FROM: wonderful boy <3333333 _

>I promise I'm not the Wicked Witch of the West!! :)

 

_ TO: wonderful boy <3333333 _

>did the wwotw actually eat people???

 

_ FROM: wonderful boy <3333333 _

>That's a good question, actually? I don’t know!!!

>Maybe that was the Wicked Witch of the East’s thing, before Dorothy dropped a friggin’ house on her.

 

_ TO: wonderful boy <3333333 _

>lmaoooooo

>sure lets call it that

 

_ FROM: wonderful boy <3333333 _

>Still, it should be said just for the record that I am neither the Wicked Witch of the West  _ or _ the witch from  _ Hansel and Gretel, _ who I think was the cannibal one.

>But don't quote me on that. :)

 

_ TO: wonderful boy <3333333 _

>that

>sounds right?? im pretty sure??

>thanks for not eating me

 

_ FROM: wonderful boy <3333333 _

>It's really no problem!!

>So I’ll pick you up outside Schramm?

 

_ TO: wonderful boy <3333333 _

>sounds good!!! <3

 

_ FROM: wonderful boy <3333333 _

><3

 

\---

 

**CALLING**

_ my favorite girl _ **…**

 

“Hello?”

_ “Mari I hate Damien Haas so freaking much this is not a drill.” _

“...Okay.”

“Don't ‘okay’ me! This could not be any less okay! I'm  _ dying! _ Losing my shit! My shit isn't even in this plane of existence!  _ Gone!” _

“...Okay again.”

“He asked me to go to Steak ‘n Shake with him again! For the second day in a row! What do I even do??”

“I mean, it's free food. And Steak ‘n Shake, no less! I'd go!”

_ “Mari. _ I totally want it to be a date, but I know he doesn't feel that way about me. Like, I don't wanna just--”

“Babe, you're not using him for his money. He offered, right?”

“Well, yeah--”

“So go! And even if he isn't. Well. You know.”

“As gone off me as I am off him?”

“Don't sound so defeated, but yeah.  Even if he doesn't return your feelings, you still get to spend time with him! And he clearly wants to spend time with you, anyway.”

“I guess…”

“Chin up, Bozey. Come on! Just enjoy each other's company and eat delicious food.”

“I guess you maybe have a point?”

“I one hundred percent have a point. Go get ‘im, tiger.”

“If you say so.”

“I definitely say so! Love you, Bozey!”

“Love you too.”

 

\---

 

\---

 

\---

 

**TEXT MESSAGE**

_ FROM: wonderful boy <3333333 _

>Steak ‘n Shake again today?

 

_ TO: wonderful boy <3333333 _

>you know it!!

 

\---

 

\---

 

\---

 

**TEXT MESSAGE**

_ FROM: wonderful boy <3333333 _

>Meet me outside of Schramm? Got a Royale with your name on it. ;)

 

_ TO: wonderful boy <3333333 _

>hell yeah!!!

 

\---

 

\---

 

\---

 

**TEXT MESSAGE**

_ TO: wonderful boy <3333333 _

>hey dames

 

_ FROM: wonderful boy <3333333 _

>Hey! What's up?

 

_ TO: wonderful boy <3333333 _

>um

>hmm

>i have a question

 

_ FROM: wonderful boy <3333333 _

>I don't know the meaning of life!! Or why we're here!! Also, I don't know enough about sports to guess who's gonna win the Super Bowl. :)

 

_ TO: wonderful boy <3333333 _

>the super bowl already happened you nerd

>what kind of buffoonery

 

_ FROM: wonderful boy <3333333 _

>I told you I didn't know anything about sports!!

>Also, the nerd thing is rich coming from a math major.

 

_ TO: wonderful boy <3333333 _

>irrelevant

>but um hey

>these s&s runs you always do with me

>are they

>are they dates??

 

_ FROM: wonderful boy <3333333 _

>Well. I mean.

>I guess that.

>Depends, honestly.

>What do you want them to be?

 

_ TO: wonderful boy <3333333 _

>no

>tell me what  _ you _ want

 

_ FROM: wonderful boy <3333333 _

>Um. Okay.

>Well, I. I definitely want the runs to be...something. If they already aren't. Weren't.

 

_ TO: wonderful boy <3333333 _

>you do?

>swear youre not bullshitting me

 

_ FROM: wonderful boy <3333333 _

>What???? No, never! I'd never do that, swear.

 

_ TO: wonderful boy <3333333 _

>i

>im coming over

 

_ FROM: wonderful boy <3333333 _

>What does that mean??

>Boze??

>Booooze???

>Oh boy.

 

\---

 

\---

 

\---

 

**CALLING**

_ my favorite girl… _

 

_ Hey! It’s Mari. I can't pick up right now, but if you're someone I wanna talk to, leave me a message ‘n I'll call you back! Thanks! _

 

**_BEEP_ **

 

“I'm not gonna go into juicy details right now? But Mari, remind me to buy you lunch somewhere later. You're the Advice Queen. Thanks for giving me the best damn night of my life so far. Love you. Call me.”

 

\---

 

\---

 

\---

 

**TEXT MESSAGE**

_ FROM: MY wonderful boy <333333333333 _

>Celebratory Steak ‘n Shake after classes get out? :D

 

_ TO: MY wonderful boy <333333333333 _

>hell fucking yes babe

>also?

 

_ FROM: MY wonderful boy <333333333333 _

>Yeah?

 

_ TO: MY wonderful boy <333333333333 _

>im paying this time around

 

\---

 

\---

 

\---


End file.
